I have had a number of dreams recently around intimidation. That ties to fear.
Over the last week, I have heard God talking about fear to me. It has been everywhere. The test came at Home Depot.
They have a deal where employees contribute to a fund called the Home Fund. It is designed to help employees in need. God wanted me to talk to the lady who runs the entire store about my need for my teeth. I start the process of getting them fixed Thursday.
Well, I told Christi that I needed to talk to her on Sunday. That was the gauntlet and what I did to try to keep me from chickening out.
She tried to get with me yesterday, but it didnt happen.
This am, I read how they “pass the hat” to the employees. That means that everyone would know my peril. I had decided to talk to Christi, but now I was scared. I decided against it this am. Way too much shame and fear, I guess.
I was going to go fishing today. But, when I woke up, I just knew that wasnt supposed to happen. So, I planned on going for a run and checking out Black Panther. Sam Hodges asked me to see it. Things are happening between us, and he needed me to see that movie to give me context.
I went running on my way to the show. I decided to go early enough so that I could stop by the store and talk to Christi, if she were there.
But, I was still undecided about going.
As I was running, the LORD pointed out to me that the issue isnt about getting help with my teeth. It was about pride, fear and shame. A lot revolves around shame. There is so much given all of the failure I put on myself for these last 15 years.
I decided to go talk to Christi and just share that.
So, I went to the store and shared about the last 15 years and where I stand today. I told her that I was petrified of this discussion but didnt want fear or shame to keep me from obeying God. I knew that the LORD had something good in mind, so I needed to do this in spite of my resistance.
She was super gracious. She told me that we have two ways of doing it – anonymously or publicly. I told her that she could decide. After that, I told her about her. I had a word for her, and that opened up more God discussion.
I told her to ask the LORD how to handle my own little raise and that I would go with whatever she decided. I trusted her. I trust God.
So, a major milestone was broken through today. Bless the LORD.
It was hard, but I know He is up to something good.