First LOVE – John's Journal

We watched Bill last night. “Do not be complacent”.

Clare texted me yesterday. “Return to your first love.”

Same message. Oh boy, have I let things go. I have also enjoyed the world too much. I dont do the deeds I did at first (Rev 2).

My fasts were for the wrong reasons. They didnt last.

God gave me dreams warning me about drinking and smoking addiction. I ignored them mostly.

I worry about money.

He said to stop tithing last Sept until the end of the year to get the house in order. It is now 2020.

I dont wake up early to be with Him and when I do it is because “I have to.”

I have gotten lazy in my spiritual disciplines.

We have seen the destroyer and devourer. It’s a sign.

When I told Clare that we were seeing warfare, she asked about my relationship with Jesus. Ha, uh oh.

Man.

I am starting a three-day water fast tonight. A real fast like I used to.

I need to crucify my flesh. It has grown up and over like weeds.

LORD, forgive me please!

I am so sorry. I so need Your help. You alone are my first love. You alone Jesus. Please invade my life. You are ruler over my life. Once again, I say, YES! God, YES!

I am sorry for when I have wandered.

I submit my life to you again, Jesus. Have it. Do as You will.

I repent now!

My zeal for You burn inside of me. May I be on fire for You. May the fire of Your love be inside me once again.

God, set me on fire!

I confess my complacency, worries, fear and worldly desires.

I ahve put so much on Your throne. Please take it back. I want You as ruler of my life. I desire You, Jesus. You alone.

Have Your way!

I have wandered LORD.

My changes:

drinking. LORD, when is it ok? Ever? You tell me. I know it’s ok at the right times, but when is that?
cigars. same.
money. I confess my fear and will setup the tithe today. Please move on Jen’s heart to join me.
Fasts. They are sacrifices. Fire falls on sacrifice. It’s not a dietary control mechanism. No more of that.
Job. I go where You want. I am grateful for hte work You give me. Your will> Lead me. I will serve Your kings well and stop measuring or looking for my own gain. You alone are my provider and rewarder.
My house. You gave me the house. You appoint times and boundaries. I have mine. You provide. Thank YOu. I know You will help me take care of it.
Burdens. I carry way too many burdens. This includes my kids. Jack’s music is Yours. Cameron’s dedication to jordan is Your issue. Jordan’s work is Yours. Take those burdens. Jen’s eyes are Yours. Your word is true.
Ministry. It’s Your ministry. when would You like us to meet or do whatever? pray and ride, sunday am with Jen, pray for people again, God bring colaborers. I know that the devil hates us being here. there must be a reason why we are here. What is that? How do we come into agreement with You, LORD?
Mornings. Once again, Yes! Please wake me up every morning. May it be a joy to hang with You and not an obligation or duty.
I get to hang out with the Creator of the universe. And He loves me! Wow!
Marriage. You brought us together. Help us to have complete unity in our pursuit of You. Help me to love Jen well. Please take care of our marriage and make it all that You desire. Bless it greatly, LORD!
health. Your word is true. Thank You LORD for taking care of us and for divine health. May all afflictions go!
Me. God, You ahve me. I surrender myself to You again. Take all of me. I surrender ALL.

Thank You LORD. I bless You. I love You. I desire You to be my first love. Be that to me, LORD.

You know the desires of my heart. Thank You for going beyond all that I can ask or imagine.