It is just hard. The fire is hot, and I need to get it together.
I dont how much of it God will bring me out of vs. me climbing out of it myself. I need to make things happen. Do I get a business partner? Am I going to be in this business? I have no clue. Who do I market myself to? I am working on that. How much cold calling should I do just to breakthrough fear? I dont want to do that because I have little confidence in what I do in business. But, I have great confidence in my ministry, so I rather do that.
But God.
There’s always a but God. But God wants me free in all areas. This is hard.
I am not going to be lazy. I am going to work and work at it hard. I am going to try to do the right things.
Today marks week two of three in my fast. So far, it’s been just firey.
This morning, I got up to hang with the LORD and cannot even stay awake to read the bible. I am going to get some coffee.
I think that the one thing that I have no matter what is honesty before the LORD. I hope that I do anyway. No reason to pretend.
This blows. But, I know that it’s just a season.
I think that I know what to do.
Oh, Jack is so prophetic for me.
I watched his hockey over the last couple weeks. When he just rolled around and hardly skated, God was telling me not to be lazy. I was watching Jack really being lazy. Yesterday, Jack had one of his best games ever. He skated hard. He got mocked and made fun of and wanted to fight with the other boys. The coach even made fun of him. Now, that got my blood going. I wanted to call fire down on him. But, the key was during the game, Jack had a great opportunity to skate the puck up. There was a wide open lane. He immediately looked for someone else to give the puck to and made a bad pass. It was so clear that he could have skated but didnt take it for fear. He doesnt have confidence in himself to do it so he looks to give it to someone else. Man, can I resonate with that.
So, I would say that the LORD is telling me that I am trying, but that fear thing is keeping me from taking a shot at it. The mockers and scoffers are there, but they are on the bench and not in the game.
Keep plugging and trying.
I need encouragement and breakthrough.