It broke wide open today. Andy Stanley has been preaching on Jonah.
Today, it came to a head. I have been convicted of my reaction to the lady driving behind me in the car every week. I have repented and repented. Today, Andy closed the series by talking about the Christian who is good, who has the moral will of God and all the other wills of God covered, except one. He doesnt line up with what God is doing in the world.
Yikes. I am all about God’s world. But, I have had no compassion and no mercy. I see people walking in their sin and darkness, and I judge the. Oh boy. God brought that to a head today. I cried. It hit me so hard. All of these last ELEVEN months came to a head today.
Nate spoke to me the week or so before I left Boulder. We were having coffee, and all he said was “Jonah”. Ha, I thought, man, I dont run from God. Little did I know that it was the pride, self righteousness and judgment that the LORD was referring to that day. Even the stuff with Laura has been a spotlight on this. Here are the rest of the events this year pointing to it:
1) Souly Business last spring with Kevin Latty and Dave McCauley and asking me not to pray for people
2) Peter Bourke and Randy Patterson at C3G asking me not to pray for people
3) Having to attend Brownsbridge all these months dealing with “baby” Christians. They just dont know any better. I am the one held to accountability for I have been given much. Much is asked. But judgment isnt a part of that much.
4) Laura and her not wanting God like I do
5) Matt Francis and integrity, lying, etc.
6) EVS last year and through the trials with unemployment
7) My dad and the spirit of religion
8) Chris Jensen and the fear of man
9) Brian Cork and him being a wicked king
10) The lady in our neighborhood driving close to me who I had to pull over and just point out her sin, even it if were in the “form of a question”
Oh, I am sure that there is more. But, this is what I remember.
I have been guilty of sin. My sin is pride. God pointed out yet another area in my heart that thinks it to be better than others. His mercy has kept the ball moving forward. He has allowed things to keep going forward like Bethel, increased healing and prophetic, elevate29 and other stuff. God doesnt turn off the flames in all areas of life just because one area is being dealt with. There is something poetic about how He orchestrates the intersection of it all.
Today, my heart was broken. I just want it to fill with compassion. I want to want to love people no matter what.
They really dont know. They need forgiveness. They need compassion.
The Hillsong song is right on.
God, forgive me. Forgive me even though I have judged others in Your place. I really am not in any position. Pour love and compassion into my heart. Let me be known as the compassionate prophet not Jonah.
I really do feel lighter. Something broke today.
I have a new exectancy for something to happen soon. Every time the LORD has taken me through these extended seasons, something big has happened.
18 mos of unemployment led to confession of infidelity and learning how to receive love
18 mos of employment led to start of establishing me as a prophet
12 mos of hebrews 12 chastening to remove pride
12 mos living with my parents further establishing me in the prophetic, Daystar ministry
11 mos living in boulder as God heals my marriage and further establishes my ministry in healing and the prophetic
11 mos back in ATL (after God spoke “11” to me for 11 months) dealing with pride and self righteousness and giving me a heart of forgiveness and compassion
Now? O’ God, what now?
Tonight, I start a 3-day fast. I think that I am fasting for Laura and I and for everything to break wide open with work. My guess is that God has something else in mind. We shall see.
Bless the LORD