Things remain hard. We are being pressed. And, it seems unending.
I am looking for work anywhere, including here in ATL. No one really wants to live here, but we must try. Laura is about to start looking too. We had a bit of a setback Sunday. We got into a fight about working with Rob Riggs and creating a permanent play there. I guess the LORD doesnt want that to happen. I dont know. She wants security. I need to minister to her needs.
It seems that I am going further and further from my own dreams and desires. I guess the LORD will have to raise them up in due time.
I want to find a church around here that carries fire. Maybe the Vine is it. I am just so tired of Browns Bridge and how shallow that pool is.
I had stopped my one day a week fasts but am now about to resume it. It seems that my eating habits, while not crazy, just dont keep me slim. I like carbs. So, am I fasting for the LORD? I dont think so. But, by fasting, I keep myself physically in a slim state, and that keeps me in the spirit. I guess there are all kinds of faults with the logic here. I despise getting out of the spirit. This is the best that I have right now. I will be fasting the first week in January for the LORD. He gets the first week of the year every year.
Jordan and I need help from the LORD in our relationship. It sure does feel like she is drifting away from me. Ever since I went to Group Publishing for that interview, it’s been like that. I sense that there are things going on in her life that she keeps in secret. I know that she is eating a lot of junk food. Maybe she needs to fast one day a week too, eh? I am kidding.
But, she does not have the trust of Laura or I. There is a lust issue there – not sexually per se, but a need for immediate gratification of whatever she wants. She does not say no or deny herself at all. God, give me wisdom here. I am praying that the wrong relationships be broken and that God establish good ones in her life. I pray for the right influences to be there.
You know, our lives are hard. And, God is distant on me, for me. I got to minister to a dude who is having an affair. It was great, and I saw the LORD doing some cool things. He had the girl text this guy right as we were about to leave. That caused him to confess this thing to me which allowed the ministry to happen. And, I felt the LORD’s presence on me for most of the time.
I dont like these seasons, but I pray that the work be expedient and thorough. I dont want to come back to this place again.