Am I a reproach again? God is just so distant. I am battling this cold. Am I out of His will. Is my struggle with work keeping Him away from me? I hate what I do. It’s not what I was created to do, or so I keep telling myself. I get no satisfaction out of it. Is this about me? Am I making this all about me? Is my will supreme? Lord, help! I dont want to be king of any crown or throne. I dont like this. I hate it. I hate not being close to You. I hate the idea of being unemployed yet again. Whatever You must do, please, just do it quickly. Get me to where You want me to be. Give me the grace to be and do Your absolute best. Change this world through me. But, give me grace all along the way. And, encourage me that I am on the track that You want me on. If I am not on the right track, put me there. What do You want me to do? Do you want me working with BlueBox? Emerald? Other? Please, LORD, talk to me! Jesus! I cry, Jesus! I am Yours, save me.
