Anger

I had a great call with Fred van der Linde from South Africa yesterday. He is ministering prophetically to leaders of countries and companies. It’s uncanny how the LORD speaks that type of stuff over us and then connects us with folks flowing in the same stream.

I look forward to a great relationship with Fred, no matter how the LORD wants it to play out.

Fred told me that he kept hearing the word “anger”. He didnt know what it meant, and we both prayed about it. I asked Laura if she thought I were angry, and she said that I do tend to give a matter a much higher degree of angry emotion than it might illicit.

Then, last night, we got talking about sex. Laura and I arent have much of that these days. Her body has been such a mess that I have been reluctant to approach her on it. But, I find that she doesnt even think about it. She tied having her own house to it.

That got me to thinking. I wonder if I dont feel her love all that much. Is there something in me that is angry and hurt at her because I dont feel her love. Not that sex is love. But, there is a lack of intimacy between us. That closeness is missing. And, she seems lukewarm to it all.

I watch Jordan and how she responds negatively and in anger. It has gotten significantly better as she has felt my love for her. When she is low on the love meter, she gets angry more often and more easily.

This morning, God got me up at 5:00am. But, this was on my mind. So, I debated staying in bed and cuddling with Laura rather than getting up to be with the LORD. I certainly feel His love, but He once told me that the greatest physical expression of His love is Laura. Well, something is broken.

I really dont want to be angry. Something is needing attention, but I dont know what. And, I really need to feel the love of my wife.

LORD, I need Your help.