My children are at 30k feet right now somewhere over the US. I cant stop crying. Oh, how the LORD has shown me my heart for my kids. Oh, how much they love me. Oh, how I hate this!!! I have tried so hard to do His will. I have only tried to do the right thing and to obey.
Now, I see them in a new light, but they are traveling in the wrong direction. My heart hurts. Oh shit, this sucks. I want my kids back. I want our family together and just what He wants it to be.
I called Laura and tried talking to her. She has so much anger and hurt. There is love in her heart for me, but it is buried beneath the crap that her dad and I put on her. Heal her, Father, please!
So, tomorrow I meet with Nate and Evan. I could so easily just pick up and drive home. I want to be with my children. I want us back. If God doesnt show up in a big way in a hurry, I just dont know what. I know that He is in everything out here. I see it, but I can easily just walk away from it all. I dont care anymore. I will do His will. I will pay any price that He asks. But, the desires of my heart matter not. I saw it in Jordan’s eyes. I want her with me. I want to tuck her in. I want to be with her. I saw Jack tell me how much he loved me over and over.
Please, LORD. Please.