I feel like OMG!
It is SOOOOOOO hard. Yesterday was amazingly hard. I plugged through all day looking for a job. I applied online to a couple part-time gigs like Sports Authority, Walmart, etc. I have to fill out these long applications, and they all ask about employment history and why you left. Ha. My last three gigs: laid off, fired, fired. Who in the natural would hire that person?
It really made me pissed. God has led me through this all the way. I know that He has. So, here I am naked and alone. Isnt that where we just love to be. That will certainly bring a man to his knees.
So, at the same time, I am reading this book by Jack Frost on Spiritual Sonship. The first time I opened the book, I thought, “this is just for me”. Then, I read some more, and I thought, “man, this is just for Laura”. Now, I am like, “this is for everyone, but especially me and Laura and Jack and Jordan.”
We have acted like orphans. We so desperately need to know God as Father and us as sons.
My application is to get underneath everyone else’s agenda. That’s what I took away. I have been on mission and have required Laura and the rest of the world to serve me as I go do what God wants me to do. Well, the Kingdom isnt like that at all. Now, I am going to just go serve others and let God put me wherever He wants me as He wants to. This is hard, and I need grace to understand as I try to walk it out. I pray LORD for wisdom and revelation to be loosed upon me now in this matter.
I broke my fast yesterday right after 6pm. Funny, as I was getting revelation, I began to think of how many times I fasted or did some religious activity to cause God to do something. There is a fine line between fasting to the LORD out of reverence and going low and manipulation. There is a fine line between presumption and faith. I need to write a book about the fine lines of God.
But, I felt the release from the fast. I did not feel the conviction in spite of my Nazirite vow. And, as it turned out, it came to mind that I broke the fast exactly three days after I originally started it. I think that God gave me some grace there. He overlooked my eating the other day and kept the three-day counter going. Whew, thank You, LORD.
Now, I am questionning what I am hearing from Him. All of this leaves me befuddled. What am I to do?
I just want to get my family to CO. I looked at some pictures yesterday of a dude ranch out there. It’s a Christian thing and for families. Man, it would be awesome to take my family there. The pictures just made me dream of having everyone out there. Oh, LORD, please take us out there.
I am praying for Group Publishing. It would be quite a blessing to work there. It is just so perfect.
So, we keep going. I am going to be my Daddy’s son.