I talked to Laura just for a second yesterday. I told her that I didnt want to go through all that stuff with counseling if she wasnt interested in us healing. Her reply was that it would be good for us if we did so that wherever we end up, we will be able to love that person and not repeat the same stuff from the past.
Perhaps there is wisdom in that. There also seems to be a defeatist mentality or a “I am done” mentality. She has always maintained that she would just be alone and not be with another man. Now, she is making plans on how to heal so that she can be with another man. When I tell her that I love her, she does not respond. Her kisses are like sister kisses.
Boy, I saw this stress my heart yesterday. I had no patience with anyone. I hate that. I hate it for the kids. Whenever I am around her, I am out of the spirit. It’s the only time during the week.
Something needs to change. I dont know what the LORD is doing here. I dont know what He wants. But, my heart is fixed on Him. He is all that I can lean on. He is all that I have.