Laura and I have had more troubles since I came to Christ than probably any other area of my life, i terms of continuous hardship. If asked, I would say that marriage is one of my biggest regrets outside of my kids.
I wish it were not so, but Laura and I grieve each other’s hearts so much. It ought not to be that way.
At the heart of all of the issues lies the concept of God ordaining our pathway since my coming to the LORD or whether I am jacked up and the cause of my issues. We both see God so differently.
The LORD told me to pray (itnercede) against familiar spirits. I need to get on top of that.
So, we had another hard chat last night. It felt more like an inquisition than anything else. Laura just wanted to dig deeper into me to find out why I cant keep a job. She said that she is concerned wehther she wants to be with someone like that. I told her that she could leave at any time.
I no longer care whether we are married or not. Well, actually, that isnt true. I dont care to be married if grief is all there is. I cant convince her whether it is the LORD. That is God’s job.
I do want to be married to Laura. I love her very much.
This just sucks.
This morning, I got two things from God:
- Patience
- Dont EVER give up
Well, I shall persevere because Hebrews 6 came up as well. The LORD is clearly speaking to me on this. I just am wanting to move to apathy towards Laura. That isnt healthy. Rich and I prayed against it today.
I want a prosperous marriage and great friendship with my wife. And, I want her to have the desires of her heart. God, help.
Hebrews Six:
Better Things for You
9 But, beloved, we are convinced of better things concerning you, and things that[h]accompany salvation, though we are speaking in this way. 10 For God is not unjust so as to forget your work and the love which you have shown toward His name, in having ministered and in still ministering to the [i]saints. 11 And we desire that each one of you show the same diligence [j]so as to realize the full assurance of hope until the end, 12 so that you will not be sluggish, but imitators of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises.
13 For when God made the promise to Abraham, since He could swear by no one greater, He swore by Himself, 14 saying, “I will surely bless you and I will surely multiply you.” 15 And so, having patiently waited, he obtained the promise. 16 For men swear by[k]one greater than themselves, and with them an oath given as confirmation is an end of every dispute. 17 [l]In the same way God, desiring even more to show to the heirs of the promise the unchangeableness of His purpose, [m]interposed with an oath, 18 so that by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have [n]taken refuge would have strong encouragement to take hold of the hope set before us.19 [o]This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, a hope both sure and steadfast and one which enters [p]within the veil, 20 where Jesus has entered as a forerunner for us, having become a high priest forever according to the order of Melchizedek.