Life is sucking right now. I am struggling. I want to get his jeep, and I feel that Laura totally doesnt understand. At the root, I am fighting bitterness against not being loved by her. I am not happy with Christians in general. It seems that I want to withdraw and isolate myself from them. They just inflict too much pain.
Leadership in the church. Business people. My wife.
Then, I get put in a place of dealing with unforgiveness and judgment. And bitterness.
This sucks.
I am not close to God. His voice is far away. I feel Him every now and then. But, it’s nothing like I am used to.
I dont want to minister at all. I could care less. I tried and tried to get increase or even operate in the gifts. I get words to move in them, but nothing is happening. I get shot down by leadership at Bridgeway.
Ok. I retreat. Forget that crap.
So now, I just really dont care whether I minister.
is this demonic?
Is it God working on something?
I just want my boy out here. I miss him and love him.
And, he loves me.