There is a line where the heavy spirit wants to constantly yack in your ear, your natural man is just not satisfied and the promises of God are about to unfold. I know the LORD has been preparing me for something big. I know that He wants me to learn and is teaching how to love. Before, it was about receiving love. You cannot love until you learn to be loved. God first loved us. So, He has been teaching me this. I see the fruit. Bless God.
But, there is a constant tension. There is no satisfaction in my work. My hands are tired from hammering all day an nothing coming from it. It makes a person not want to hammer any more. That’s what’s been going on at Emerald. I am losing energy to do that work, and I do not want a bad heart. I try. O LORD, I try. I need grace.
The last couple mornings I just havent been able to get up. I am tired. But, I love my 3:30, 4:00, even 1am wake-up calls to be with Him. My entire day changes. Why this is happening now, I do not understand. I pray God for the grace and energy to be with you in the night-time hours. I must have that time with You.
The RADS are no longer meeting. Leslie has been pressuring Nate to not meet. Ultimately, she wants to know that she is a priority over us and doesnt feel it. I told Nate to honor her and that she would be joining the group one day. We will be better than we are now. Bless God.
So, I want more. I just want more. I want to go heal people. I want more God in me. I want more time with God. I want supernatural signs all around me. More fragrances. More sounds. Visitations. Increase in prophecy. I just want more of everything of God. I want more of HIM. Please LORD, hear Your servant. Hear Your friend. Hear Your bride.