Rachel gave her first sermon last night. It was great. And, as every good message does, it caught something in my spirit.
I try too hard. In every aspect with God, I just try too hard. I try to get it all perfect. This expectation causes me let down and depression or discouragement when it doesnt go perfectly. I need to let things go – even from the God perspective. It’s ok to not get it all perfect. It’s not ok to sin, but it is ok to grow into your relationship with Him knowing that there will be mistakes along the way.
As far as Laura and I go, I have no clue what to do right now. I’d like to say that I dont care any longer, but I do. I am trying not to. I have simply had enough of the junk that spews out of her mouth about me – whether it be to me or her friends. I need someone to come along side me, not an adversary. I already have one of those.
The LORD must do this. It is in His hands. I give it to Him and for His name’s sake, ask that He repair it. I speak restitution and recovery into our marriage, independent of what I feel right now. I have tried equally as hard to make this work and to do the perfect thing. Over the past year, we have ended up in a worse way than when we started. At least, back then, I wanted to care.
The same goes for the job. I am not in the right thing. I try too hard to get it all right, and the there is no fulfillment. God has something for me out there, and I am going to find out what it is and do it. It is that simple.